The Rules of Etiquette Regarding an Afternoon Tea

One of the newest ways of entertaining for showers, parties, business meetings, and just friendly gatherings is to have an Afternoon Tea.  Many people find themselves at a loss to know exactly what the proper etiquette or attire is to attend one of these events.  Naturally the reason for the event will dictate attire, but the rules regarding the etiquette should be the same no matter what the reason for the Tea.  

The first rule is dependent upon the situation. If it is a gathering where everyone knows each other, this rule is irrelevant.  That is because the first rule is to introduce yourself to other attendees.  Tea is a communal experience and therefore it requires that you meet at least some of the other people in attendance.  In a large gathering that is obviously not practical, but you should go up to people, introduce yourself, and unless they have their hands full of teacups and plates, you should shake hands.  If you do not know what to use as a conversation starter, you can always talk about the Tea party itself as an ice breaker.  Some subjects to avoid are the usual politics, religion, and controversial subjects.  You should also never ask a person what they "do."  Nor should you ask personal questions.  You can ask about hobbies, what books they have recently read, what movies they have seen, what sports they may enjoy or follow - things of that nature. A helpful hint to remembering someone's name is to try to repeat it a few times by inserting it into your conversation as you are speaking to the person.  Another memory device is to associate something about the person with the name.  It may take a couple of steps to make the association, but you will be surprised how helpful it will be.

Another good reason for taking the time to meet people is networking. You never know who you might meet that could connect you to something or someone else who will be important to you.  And if you meet someone again at another party or elsewhere, the fact that you remember their name will make a good impression on that person.

The next important information you need to enable you to fully enjoy a Tea is to know how to properly partake of the tea and food.  Now this might seem a silly thing to say, as people eat and drink every day, but there is an etiquette to a proper English Afternoon Tea and you will feel far more comfortable if you are the one using the proper etiquette.  That is not to say you should point out other people's failure to use proper etiquette.  You must not do that as to do so would be the height of rudeness, however you can set an example.

First we will address the beverage itself.  If the tea is being poured for you, (or if you are pouring the tea for others) there is an order to how this is done.  This may alter slightly depending upon the tea service.  If the tea service only has a teapot and alternative beverage pot, you need only ask whether they prefer tea or the other beverage.  If there is a hot water pot along with the tea service, if they say they want tea, you then need to follow with the question of whether they like their tea strong or weak.  Usually the tea steeped long enough that it will probably be quite strong. Not everyone likes strong tea, so a hot water pot to dilute the tea is a nice idea.  

Next you ask if the person wants milk, lemon (slices not wedges), or sugar (cubed sugar is preferred).  If the person says they want one or more of those items (lemon and milk will never go in a cup together as lemon will curdle the milk), I choose to place them in the cup before I pour the tea. Originally this was done so that the hot tea hitting the cup would not crack the delicate china.  I prefer to do it as once the cup is full of tea, it is harder to hold it steady to add the other items. Cubed sugar can splash, so it is nice to have it in first. Others prefer to add the milk after, as the sugar will dissolve more quickly if the tea is not cooled down. I do not think that long a time passes before putting in the milk to make much difference, so I like to put it in first.  If a person wants weak tea, one should only fill the cup half full of tea and then finish to 3/4 full with the hot water.  The tea should never go all the way to the rim.  Then the cup is handed off to the guest.  You may choose to put the spoon on the saucer for them before handing it to them (which I find a bad idea as in the handing off someone may accidentally knock the spoon), or you may have the spoons simply resting on the table for them to take along with the napkins and other silverware.  As a guest your only duty will be to say what you want and accept it.  If there is no hostess to pour tea, you may have to pour your own in which case you would still follow these rules, only it is for yourself.

In hot weather you may find that iced tea and lemonade are offered instead.  In that case you simply pour the tea into the glass and then put in the lemon slice (again no wedges) and sugar.  But do not fill the glass to the top. When going back for a refill, a good hostess will have a waste bowl to put the used lemons in so that you can start with a fresh cup or glass.  

Some other tips are - do not squeeze a lemon. The juice will disseminate on its own. That is why slices are preferred to wedges.  Do not remove the lemon until going for a new cup of tea.  If tea bags are used instead of loose tea, do not dunk the tea bag up and down.  Do not put tea bags on your saucer.  That will create a puddle of water that will drip every time you lift the cup.  Use a different plate or waste bowl if one is provided.  Do not wind the string of a tea bag around the bag on a spoon.  Never lift a cup farther than a foot away from the saucer unless you are sitting at a place setting at a table.  Otherwise lift the cup and hold the saucer in one hand while bringing the cup to your mouth in the other.  Stir quietly and don't clink the spoon against the cup or glass. Look into the cup as you drink, never over it. Never raise your pinky finger.  It is an affectation.

Now we move on to the food.  Most real Tea Party foods tend to be finger food, unless the person is having a luncheon or High Tea.  There are different courses depending on the different type of Tea.  A listing of the different Teas can be found on this blog here.Different Types of Teas   The four main courses that would be served at the most elaborate tea would be in the following order:

1) Savories - this includes finger sandwiches, appetizers, and the like.

2) Scones - this includes more than scones. It also includes quick breads, muffins, tea biscuits, crumpets and their condiments of jams, curds, and clotted creams.

3) Sweets - these are finger desserts such as cookies, miniature tarts, fruit dipped in chocolate, petite fours, and the like.

4) Dessert - this is generally one large dessert such as a cake (you would use this course for shower or birthday cakes), pies, or individual bowled desserts such as trifle, parfaits, and such.  This course is not used in an Afternoon Tea, but would be used for special occasions such as showers, birthdays, retirement, etc.

The usual manner of presentation of the first three courses is to have them on a three tiered dish with the first course on the bottom and working your way to the last course on the top dish.

Depending on the number of courses or Tea, you would either have a spoon and knife; or spoon, knife, and fork.  As said, most foods are finger foods, but if a food is particularly messy, one would want a fork.  A knife is used to put jam/curd/cream on the scones/breads/muffins.

Most foods are pretty easy to figure out how to eat properly, but the one food that does have a rule or several rules as to how to eat is the scone.  A lot will depend upon the scone itself and how flaky it is.  When one takes a scone and condiments, one does not put the condiment directly on the scone from the serving dishes.  One puts the condiments on your own plate to put on the scone later.

There are three acceptable ways of eating a scone, and as said, depending on the flakiness of the scone, you may choose from these three options.

1) slice the scone horizontally in half. Spread one half with whatever condiments you want (jam or curd (not both), and then cream is put on top. You then eat that half with a fork and knife.  Then you spread the condiments on the second half and eat the same way.

2) Slice the scone horizontally in half.  Put a small dollop (just enough for one bite) of jam/curd and cream on the scone.  Pick it up with your fingers and eat that bite.  Then continue to put bite size amounts of jam/curd/cream on the scone and take bites until that half is gone. Finish the second half the same way.

3) Break off a bite-sized piece of scone.  Put the condiments on that bite and eat it with your fingers.  Finish the rest of the scone the same way.

Some other rules are: 

1) Unfold the napkin and put it in your lap when you sit down.  If at a dining table, put it on your chair if you get up to leave and plan to return and then leave it on the table when you are finished.  If sitting around coffee tables do not refold the napkin in the original manner, but do not crumple it up either. Just fold it over to make it slightly smaller and set it under the edge of your plate unless expected to return the plates to an area for collection. Then leave the napkin there. 

2) Put a purse on your lap or behind you on your chair unless you are in a person's house where it can be put unobtrusively off somewhere.  The important thing is to keep it off the table and out of the way of servers.  

The proper attire for a Tea can be found here. The Proper Attire For an Afternoon Tea and Other Occasions