Why Are Courtesy and Etiquette Important?

In today's society there has been a complete breakdown in politeness, manners, courtesy, and etiquette.   What is the difference between all of these words?  Here are some definitions to help.

Customs – a practice followed by a people of a particular group or region.

Manners- the prevailing customs and social conduct of a specific society, period, or group.

Etiquette – the rules governing the correct or acceptable behavior of a society.

Courtesy – the showing of politeness in one's attitude and behavior toward others.

Politeness – showing consideration for others. Refined, elegant.

When one travels to other countries, one finds that other cultures (some more than others) find their customs, manners, etiquette, and especially courtesy to be very  important. In America we have seemingly decided, as a culture, that they are unimportant and have lost all sense of what manners, etiquette, and especially courtesy are.  The present generation coming up does not even seem to know that such a thing as courtesy exists, and why should they?  Their parents do not seem to have any manners either, if observation is any clue.  How many times do you have a conversation interrupted with someone because they have to answer a cell phone?  Sometimes you feel as if you were invisible, even though you are the one in their presence.  Do people say "please", "thank you", or "excuse me" anymore?  When was the last time you received a thank-you note for a gift? 

In the Movie Blast From the Past Brenden Fraser's character is a young man who comes out into society after having been raised in an underground bunker for thirty years, as his parents erroneously thought an atomic bomb had gone off above ground. He has impeccable manners and people find him quite odd because of this.  His new friends are discussing his manners behind his back, and the conversation goes like this. 

Young Woman -  "He has such good table manners."

Young Man - "You know I asked him about that?  He said good manners are just a way of showing other people that we have respect for them. See I didn't know that. I thought it was just away of acting all superior. You know what else he told me?"
YW - "What?"
YM - "He thinks I'm a gentleman and you're a lady."
YW - "Ughh!  Well, consider the source. I don't even know what a lady is."
YM - "I know.  I mean, I thought a gentleman was someone who owned horses. But it turns out the short and simple definition of a lady or gentleman is someone who always tries to make sure that the people around him or her are as comfortable as possible."
YW - "Where do you think he got all that information?"
YM - "Oh, from the oddest place - his parents. I mean, I don't think I got that memo from mine."

Manners, courtesy, and etiquette are something which need to be taught from childhood on up. There is no age too young to start.  If manners and courtesy are not taught then, it is almost impossible to learn them later on without a great deal of effort.  It is also true that the attitude this young man manifested about people with manners seems to be the attitude that you find among people who do not have manners.  They think that if you do have manners, you are acting superior.  They do not understand it is a sign of respect.  But then that too is a major problem with our society. People do not respect each other anymore.  Therefore they do not feel that they need to show courtesy to others or make them feel comfortable.  They do not care how others feel.

It is time to take back our society.  There is an eccentric little movement afoot that is trying in their own way to do this.  It is called the steam-punk movement.  It consists of young people of the up and coming generation who feel the lack of these things, yet like their technology.  They like to dress in a Victorian manner, and some are trying to emulate manners of the day, although with no guidance it is hard for them, and they like their technology to have an H.G. Wells or Jules Verne flair.  We need to encourage these young people, and all others, to embrace the old polite ways of yesteryear.  If we all were to practice manners and courtesy, we might find a great deal less violence in our society.  It takes one person at a time influencing others.  I hope that I am influencing those reading this blog to join me in my effort to recapture a lost art - that of courtesy, manners, etiquette, and politeness.